Dude! Where’s My Princess?

Dude! Where’s My Princess? is a classic fantasy adventure series with plenty of laughs and love.

Inspired by Xanth by Piers Anthony, Landover by Terry Brooks, and Discworld by Terry Pratchett. 

• Prologue (free when you sign up for the newsletter)
• Book 1: Goblin Slayer
• Book 2: The Dark Enchantress
• Book 3: The Enchanted Forest
• Book 4: The Princess & the Lich
• Mature Content (available from the shop)

Book 1: Goblin Slayer

“Arwin had been driving along, and everything had been normal. Until he’d taken that side road and nearly run into a pink dragon.”

Arwin swerves off the road to avoid a dragon and ends up in another world. It’s exactly the change of scenery he needs, a new direction in life.

He meets Yaz, a talking skeleton on an epic quest. Together, they set off to find a long-lost princess, the former knight’s great love, who was magically imprisoned hundreds of years ago by an evil necromancer, the same man who cursed Yaz into undeath.

Their first destination is the remote castle of the legendary, evil Dark Enchantress in the eerie Swamp of Spiders. But getting there won’t be easy. There are regions filled with dangerous puns and magic, a revolution to assist, forest nymphs, and a whole tribe of ugly green goblins standing in their way. 

Book 2: The Dark Enchantress

He’s a nice guy with a broken heart in need of a new direction in life. She’s a super-powerful workaholic shut-in who feels ostracized for being different. They both feel alone. Until they meet each other.

The faint scream of a young woman carried through the dining room.

Arwin’s eyes widened. 

“Ah,” the Dark Enchantress announced, rising. “That will be the soup.”

Arwin and Yaz, the skeleton knight, are on the trail of the long-lost bunny princess, Epheria. But before they even get a chance to approach the legendary Dark Enchantress’s demesne to search for the princess, they’re captured by gremlins and tossed into her dungeon!

The only way to escape those whips and chains, and to get a chance to search the Dark Enchantress’s castle for Epheria, is for Arwin to play nice with the legendarily evil magic user and get on her good side. 

To everyone’s surprise, sparks fly, literally. Is he just playing nice to get access to the castle, or does he actually like her?

Would you risk falling in love with someone who could turn you into a toad?

Book 3: The Enchanted Forest

She called out, “Mom?” There was no answer. She glanced at the side table next to the chair, shook her head at her own forgetfulness, then waved her hand and spelled her mother back to life. “Mom?”

The wrinkled old head floating in the jar on the table came to life. “What? Yes. I’m awake.” Wizened eyes looked around. “How long was I out this time?”

Arwin and Yaz are back on the quest for the long-lost princess while being on the run from the Dark Enchantress. The very last place they can look for Epheria is Ogre Village in the Enchanted Forest. Along the way, they’ll bring together new allies, like a goodly old wizard with beer magic, and a delightful young fairy who yearns to see more of the world.

Orchid pursues Arwin in all the wrong ways, which leads to some important self-reflection as she feels her heartstrings pulling her out of her shell. She also faces a mysterious mage assassin, a battle which just might be the push Orchid needs to change.

The Enchanted Forest isn’t all gingerbread houses and happy thoughts. It’s also home to witches, rogues, and carnivorous plants, and big, brutish ogres have a tendency to crunch bones and eat people. 

Lurking in the background is an agent of chaos who is about to make herself known at the worst possible moment…

Book 4: The Princess & the Lich

“It’s a nice swamp, but yeah. I’ve only seen a small part of Heartstone, and it’s been pretty fantastic. I’d love to see more.”

She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes. “I could…show you around?”

“I’d love that.” He smiled at her. “You know, if we’re not dead by tomorrow.”

It all comes down to this: heroes vs villains. 

Uniting through love and friendship, our companions embark on a wild and crazy series of quests to prevent Yaz from literally falling apart. Then, it’s off to rescue Epheria. 

But not if a certain dragon has anything to say about it. Not to mention a dastardly lich, the man who tore Yaz and Epheria apart and cursed them all those centuries ago. It’s time for a reckoning.

Will Arwin risk falling in love again and trusting his heart to someone new? Will Orchid shed her dark side and be the person she wants to be so she can be happy again? For Beers and his aging body, will this be his last quest ever? Will Melina (haha—spoiler)? Even if Yaz is reunited with his greatest love, will Epheria even want to be with him now that he’s a walking, talking stack of bones?

It’s the exciting conclusion to a fabulous adventure. (Unless there’s a HUGE cliffhanger…)

Mature Content

A few mature (sexual) scenes have been omitted from the public version of the book. Readers have been very divided about it, so I’ve included it here.

• Arwin with Bleu and Aoi during the Celebration
• Arwin and the Nymphs after the goblin nest
• Arwin and Orchid during the early stages of their relationship
• Arwin and the Dessert Nymphs
• Arwin and the Nurse Shark

Where to Read

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