Merry Christmas, S

Dear S,

I love looking into your eyes.
I love being the recipient of your smile,
Even more than I love being the cause.
I love the way your fingers brush my skin,
And the way your lips feel like the silkiest rose petals.
The best part of my day is always with you.
It’s the opportunity to share something with you,
The excitement racing through me uncontrollably,
The feeling that I must – must – tell you something, give you something.
A thought, a joke, a sight or sound, a taste, a feeling.
It’s waking up to you. It’s looking forward all morning to lunch with you.
It’s every moment in each other’s arms.
Even if we aren’t together,
I love just thinking about you, letting long hours crawl by,
Imagining us together.
I love filling my head with the song of your voice,
The heady memories of your sex,
The timeless peace of your friendship as we hold hands,
Your bubbling laughter and silliness.
And when the days come when I know we will meet,
I feel like a little boy waiting for Christmas morning,
Twitching and bouncing around,
Unable to wait to open his present.
Pretty grand considering I have received that same present so many times before,
Yet, I never get tired of it, never one breath of anticipation less than before.
Because I know how valuable it is,
And I appreciate every day I have the honour and pleasure
To receive it again.

You are my happiness.
You are my love.
And when I look into the mirror,
I imagine that I can see into my chest, a chest bursting with emotions.
I see my heart,
And fancy that I can see a miniature version of you
Curled all around it, cradling my heart in your hands
Gazing down at it lovingly
Cherishing it.
While I might put other loved ones inside my heart,
You’re the only one I have given my heart to hold.

Pretty little expectations aside,
Heartache and longing notwithstanding,
We did, after all, reach another holiday season together
And I think that’s a wonderful reason to celebrate.

Thank you, S,
For all that you are, that you have done, and that will be.
I love you.
Merry Christmas